If I had written another story with them older, I wouldn’t have had them get together. They would’ve just been siblings.
Lovelust (Which is the story of Saina and Aubrey before Eli was born)
I always wanted to be a father. It was one of my goals in life. I wanted to have two kids: one son and one daughter. I never expected that the daughter would come from someone else. I thought it would happen just like Saina said: after Eli turned 5, Say and I would try to have a second child. But life never turns out just as planned. Honestly, the way Kayla came to be mine was the least expected way. After all the shit that Kalindi had put me through, I never expected to get a child out of it. I’m still surprised that Saina was so eager to adopt Kayla after all that had happened. But I guess when your heart desires something, you can’t go against it. Plus, Kayla was innocent in all of this so I guess it was easy for Saina to not have animosity towards her. Watching Saina take care of both of the kids was one of the most beautiful things that I’ve ever had a chance to witness. After all the stressful events of the past, Say and I can finally move forward and be a family.
Say put the kids down for a nap as we decorated Kayla’s room. We moved into a new home and finished Eli’s room first because we had all his things ready to go. We had just gotten the chance to go to Kalindi’s place and get all of Kayla’s things. Kalindi really did spoil her even though I could tell that she didn’t really want to be a mom. Saina started putting Kay’s clothing into the drawers that Hush built while Chubbs and I built her bed.
“Baby.” I looked over at Saina, she had an envelope in her hand. “I found this in one of the boxes, it has your name on it.”
“Um, put it in the bedroom for me, please. I’ll see what it is later.” She walked out of the room and I turned my attention back to the bed. Hush finished dressers and put the drawers in as Saina walked back into the room. Chubbs and I finished the bed and put it in place. “I put the envelope on the nightstand on your side of the bed.”
As I started putting up the blinds in her window, I couldn’t help but think about what was in the envelope. I had a feeling that it was a letter from Kalindi but what exactly did it say. Was she explaining everything? Was she apologizing? What could it be? I stressed over the letter so much that it was making me mess up what I was doing. I stopped trying to put the blinds up and walked over to Saina. I wrapped my arm around her waist.
“I’ll be back, baby.”
“Alright.” I kissed her on the cheek.
I walked into my bedroom and sat on my side of the bed. I grabbed the envelope, it was pretty fat. I slid my finger into the slightly open side of the envelope. I slid my finger across the top and ripped it open. I pulled out a few pieces of paper. Kayla’s birth certificate was amongst the papers in the envelope. I looked at the birth certificate and took a few moments to study the document to learn all that I needed to know. Her birthday was April 7, it was coming up soon. I grabbed the last of the items and discovered that it was a letter.
Congratulations on the new addition to your family! I’m addressing to you, Aubrey, because I know that you accepted the responsibility. I just can’t see you being so cold hearted as to not taking Kayla in. Even if you didn’t want to do it, I doubt your girlfriend would allow you to not accept the responsibility. It’s up to you to give Kayla the love that she deserves to have. I have failed at that since day one. I tried but I just couldn’t get over the hostility that I had towards her. I know it’s sinful for me to be hostile towards my child. You’re probably thinking in your head the same thing that people always think: “You shouldn’t have had her if you didn’t want her”.
But it wasn’t like that at first. There was a time when I loved her and wanted to be a mom. But I had this misconstrued view of motherhood so it ended up being harder than I thought. I started hating everything about being a mom including my daughter. I think it was probably postpartum depression but I’m not a doctor so I don’t know. Whatever it was, I had to deal with that on top of my slowing modeling career. And the loss of Dean on top of that. You’re probably wondering why I lied about him to you. But that’s something that’ll remain a mystery between us. Regardless of my lies and truths, here’s the situation. You are now legally Kayla’s father or guardian, whichever you want to say and Saina’s probably going to be her mother. I just want to say thank you for being the adult that I just didn’t want to be. I apologize for everything and this time I’m sincere. This apology is for you, Saina and Eli. I owe him the biggest apology for what I did to him.
I included Kayla’s birth certificate to make your life easier for you as she grows.. I put a photo album of a bunch of pictures in one of the boxes of her stuff, including a picture of her father; it’s only right that she knows that he looks like. There’s a picture at the end of the photo album of her and I smiling. If she ever asks about me, show her that picture; I’d rather her remember our short time together in glowing terms. There’s another letter with her names on it in one of those boxes. When she’s old enough to comprehend the situation, give her the letter and let her read it. She’ll probably never forgive me but it’s expected.
You’ll probably always think of me because you have my daughter but you don’t have to worry about seeing or hearing from me. I’ve invaded your life enough. Take good care of her and do everything that I was supposed to do but was too selfish to do.
I placed the letter on the bed and placed my elbows on my knees. I ran my hands over my face. Everything was official. It was already official in the eyes of the law but it was now official on a deeper level. I couldn’t imagine having to tell Kayla when she get’s older the story of how she came to be ours. As much love and care that we’ll give her, her self esteem will take a big hit knowing that her biological mom didn’t want her on top of her dad dying and everyone else in her family not wanting her. No matter how much she wants to be happy, it’ll always sit in the back of her mind that her mom didn’t care about her.
“Baby,” I looked over at the door to see Saina standing there. “Are you okay?”
“Not really.” She walked over to me and sat down.
“What’s wrong? We have a beautiful home, a beautiful family, what’s not to love?”
“I’m thinking about the future. How are we going to tell Kayla about her biological parents in the future. You know, we have to tell her.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.
“I know we’ll have to tell her about her parents at some point in life. But we don’t need to stress ourselves about it now when it doesn’t matter much to her. When she begins to wonder then we’ll tell her then.”
“Alright, baby. Come with me to the living room, I have to look for something.” I stood up and grabbed her hand and helped her stand up. I grabbed her hand and led her downstairs to the living room.
“What are we looking for?”
“A photo album.” There were two boxes left. “You check that box and I’ll check this one.”
We walked to our respective boxes and looked through them.
“I found it.” I walked over to Saina and grabbed the photo album out of her hand. I opened the album to the back to find the picture that Kalindi was talking about. “You’re going to frame it for her?”
“Yeah, I think that I should.”
I put the photo back into the album and closed it. I took the album upstairs to Kayla’s room and put it on top of her dresser.
“Daddy!” I walked out of Kayla’s room and to Eli’s room. Eli was still sleeping but Kayla was awake, sitting up. She was the one that called me. I was surprised because I never expected her to call me daddy. But then again, she never really knew her dad so I guess I should have expected this. She reached up at me. I reached down and picked her. “Juice.”
I carried her downstairs to the kitchen. I put her in her high chair and walked to the cabinet and went through the motions of getting her some juice. I pulled her out of her high chair and carried her over to the living room. I sat down on the couch and handed her her cup. I watched her drink her juice in silence. After she finished her juice, I grabbed her cup and put it down on the table. I felt the need to say something to her.
“I’m not even sure why I’m about to tell you all this. You’re a baby and you really won’t understand why I’m about to tell you. I’ll probably have to tell you again the future but I’m going to say it to you now anyways. No matter what happens in the future, don’t ever feel like no one cares about you okay. Regardless of those who don’t care, there are so many that do. Life is going to be hard at times but it’ll also be great. No matter what anyone says about your mom, just remember that at least she was honest enough to admit her faults and let you go on to live a better life. Don’t ever let anyone try to tell you differently.”
I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. She grabbed my shirt to help herself stand up. I held onto her as she leaned over and kissed my cheek. I smiled as she pulled away and she returned the smile.
“Let’s go look at your new room.” I stood up and carried her back upstairs to her room. I put her down and let her walk around her room. She was so giddy, running around and touching everything.
“I say it’s a job well done.” Chubbs spoke. “Alright, ya’ll we’re going to get out of here.”
“Word. Bye little mama.” Hush walked over to Kayla and held out his hand. She gave his a high five and he and Chubbs made their exit.
“Well, Aubs, we’re finally settled.” Saina walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Baby, we have two kids now. Did you ever think it would happen like this?”
“Nah, not like this but I’m happy that it ended this way. It all feels so right.”
“It is right.” I kissed her forehead again.
1 Year Later
“Come on ya’ll, we have to get this done.” The kids were running around the studio. Saina and I were trying to get them to calm down so we could take a family portrait. “My god, Aubrey, they’re hyped up on sugar. Why would you give them candy right before we were supposed to do this?”
“I didn’t think it would make them this hyper. I’m sorry. Come on, kids.” But they still didn’t calm down. “I’ll take Eli and you take Kayla.”
Saina and and I split up and ran after the kids. Saina caught Kayla first then I caught Eli. They were both laughing and still full of energy. No more candy for them for a while. This is ridiculous. I almost sweat through my clothes chasing after E.
“Are we ready?” The photographer asked.
“I think so.” Saina answered. We sat down on the elegant bench he had set up for us. Eli was on my lap and Kayla was on Saina. The photographer started making funny faces to get the kids to smile. Saina and I smiled along with them and he took a few photos. Saina and I look through the photos and picked the one that we really loved. All of us were smiling so big and we really looked like a family. Just how it was supposed to be.
“Alrighty then, I’ll call you when your photo is ready. It’ll probably be in about a week.”
“Thank you.” I responded. We all took our leave. The kids were still hopping around as we walked to the car. I reached over and wrapped my arm around Saina and pulled her close to me as we walked.
“Look at our little family, baby. Aren’t our kids just precious?” she spoke. “From summer fling to a little family. It’s crazy how things turned out for us.”
“True, very true.”
I unlocked the car and opened the door on my side. I put Kayla in the car as Saina put Eli in the car on her side. I made sure she was buckled in tightly and Say did the same. Say closed the door but I stood there and looked at the two of them for a few seconds with a smile on my face.
“Daddy, what are you doing?” Kayla asked.
“Daddy’s being silly.” Eli giggled.
“Daddy’s just looking at his prince and princess.” I said to them. I held out a hand to both of them and they each gave me a high five. I closed the door to the car and got into the driver’s seat. I started the car and looked at them again in the rearview mirror and smiled at them playing with each other.
The happiness that I’m feeling made all of my struggles in my entire life worth it.
Life is so good and beautiful.
I have homework that I have to do first.
I’m going to write the alternate ending and a bonus chapter for this story to finally wrap it up.